Becoming a stand-up comedian doesn’t just mean being funny. It can come with many other gifts as well. Some might see them as powers; others may see them as a curse. The fact is, being funny can get you places. Recently, Ukrainian citizens voted to elect a professional comedian to become their president, only further proving that comedians DO have powers.
Whether you think having superpowers is good or bad, the truth is you can’t escape your destiny and thus the 5 superpowers that come with being a stand-up comedian.
I know what you are thinking, “I don’t have any powers.” That is bull. You have spent so much time becoming funny that you have disregarded everything else that got you there. Fortunately, you are going to reconnect with your gifts, maybe even actively use them again either on the stage or in everyday life.
Mind-Reading
A stand-up comedian will have spent a lot of time knowing how to read the audience, which leads to reading other people too. There are, of course, certain factors that play a role in a comedian’s ability to mind-read; body language, facial expressions, gestures, etc.
Imagine you were going on a date with someone off of tinder or craigslist. You can see that they have their arms folded and staring into space instead of mirroring your body language (the usual positive sign they are interested in you). Before your date falls asleep, you know EXACTLY what to do, tell them a joke. You a mind-reader remember, you know that is what they want. And if it’s not funny, it’s not like you only know one.
The mindreading power also comes in handy in so many other situations. You go for a job interview; they mention something about what do you like to do in your spare time, to which you mention comedy. Now, your powers are telling you that they want to hear a joke. If they laugh at the joke (which they will), then you know in their mind that they thought you were funny.
Invincibility
Once upon a time, Australian comedian Jim Jefferies was performing in the English city of Manchester when he offended an audience member with one of his jokes. The resulting altercation ended with Jim getting punched by the angry stranger on stage. Jim later made jokes about the situation as if it didn’t bother him. The attack actually benefited Jim because of all the media attention. Of course, what the media didn’t know was that comedians are invincible.
When you are on stage telling jokes, there is a small risk that someone could get offended and/or could heckle you. A good comedian is fully aware of this, though, often prepared for anything and everything. For Jim, getting punched only gives him more power. A comedian is essentially invincible in so many ways. Even if you tried to criticize a comic, it’s not like they are going to lose sleep over it.
Super-Strength And Durability
As you grow as a comedian, you develop the ability to stand for a long amount of time talking. Some CEOs can manage only 10 minutes, motivational speakers 20 minutes, but a comedian can go on for as long as an hour. How is this even possible, you ask? It’s because comedians have the power of super strength and durability.
A stand-up comedian can easily tell jokes for an hour or even more and not even break a sweat. You might think, well, maybe they just drink a lot of coffee or that they are lip-synching. Nope, it’s their superpower.
Precognition
When you started out as a comedian, you probably sucked. It’s ok; most of us did. The thing is, though, you never gave up. You failed and failed until you became the master of failure, to which then you got good. With so much experience in failing, you become accustomed to knowing what went wrong. So sometimes, when you are on the stage, and the audience doesn’t really seem to be reacting favorably, you know in the not too distant future that you are going to lose their interest completely.
Seeing into the future is a powerful gift as a comedian. For example, you may see some comedians perform before you and watch them bomb on stage. You can use your powers to then predict that the audience is going to be a challenge; however, you also know that the future is not set in stone, and you can change the course of events.
Super-Intelligence
A comedian isn’t just someone who tells jokes; they have to research a lot of the time to find funny things to make jokes about. The thing is, for some comedians, they spent A LOT of time researching, which results in them knowing pretty much everything there is. A good comedian wants to give their audience an experience like no other. They know that they are tired of dating and fart jokes. They need something stimulating, factual, shocking.
At social gatherings, a comedian tends to be the most interesting person in the group. Not because they are super fun but because they know everything. They know how to hold a conversation or even start one.
So there you are. Please only use your comedian powers if it is absolutely necessary. If everyone knows how awesome it is to be a comedian, then everyone will become one. We could end up in a world where people only communicate with set-ups and punch lines or worse; somebody already heard your joke before…